I Tried To Be Normal But It Was Taken(Making Your Inner Nutcase Work For You)

Feeling secretly or not so secretly unhappy on any level? Be honest with yourself. Oh c'mon, nobody's listening. Stop trying so hard to pretend to be normal. We're all a little wacko on some level...and guess what, that's okay. Not only is it okay, it's part of the human condition. The trick is, to make it work for you so you don't run on the same old dark energy which likely got you stuck in one of the following states; depression, fear, control, anxiety, arrogance, anger or limitation. Of course, it always about levels. I'm not condoning behavior which has to do with hurting others or yourself. Let me be clear I am not saying you're "okeydokey as you are" if you're the Unabomber, suicidal, or dislike chocolate. All three are very scary personalities in my book! But if you have feelings which aren't causing you to do harm which fall under the categories of jealousy, insecurity, depression or extreme panic and if you want your life to improve, you need to start by being honest with yourself. Staying stuck in denial, shame, guilt or any negative self sabotage will do nothing more than keep you locked in your own mind prison. Observe your behavior without negative judgment. Guilt is not real. It is something we flawed humans created. What you are doing by being honest about your dark emotions, is simply being loving to yourself. That's it. And since our happiness effects those around us, loving yourself with honesty is a very beautiful beginning. It is the first step in unblocking the pattern. You have simply been running on preprogramming. We all do until we break the pattern. There are many ways to do just that. But Step 1 is to just be honest about your emotions and observe them. I will share Step 2 in my next post. One of the ways in which I began to discover my dark emotions was through performing solo shows about my true family story. I began writing and performing solo shows in 1995 to reveal the truth. I had been raised to keep a deep dark secret which I had been warned repeatedly, daily, that revealing it would get my family killed. Although I was terrified, performing that truth was like doing therapy in front of thousands. My first show was about my Jewish Holocaust survivor parents who raised me Catholic. They did so because after their families were murdered in Europe, they escaped by a whisker and lived in Canada as orthodox Jews. But in 1951, my father was attacked and nearly murdered in a small redneck town in Saskatchewan where he had established his first medical practice. His assailants, a German doctor and his wife, were fined the paltry sum of thirty dollars for assault. Fearing he'd lose yet another family, this time in Canada, my father anglicized our family name, converted us to Catholicism, cut off ties with all extended relatives and relocated. Although this occurred many years before I was born, my siblings and I inherited our parents post traumatic stress disorder and it impacted us deeply. The first show I performed about my family. was co-written with Lynna Goldhar-Smith. I called it The Waltonsteins. If you would like to know more about my show and family, here is an award winning radio documentary (The Gabriel Award) produced by CBC and broadcast twice on NPR. http://www.cbc.ca/andthewinneris/2010/06/28/the-waltonsteins/  And here is our family photo 

But for me this was just the beginning of making my inner nutcase work for me.